I can’t put a bad book down: the Vampires and their hangers on

Varnley Manor

The Vampires, the Royal Varns and their hangers on.


Once again…. here be spoilers for the Dark Heroine.










Kaspar: the fucking prince! Well that’s how he introduces himself to Violet, just after demonstrating his killing, and sneering skills for the first time. He doesn’t kill after the Trafalgar Square fight, but can he sneer, and preen, and shag, although Charity, (yes, a vampire named, Charity), is probably more impressed with his title than his prowess.

Supposedly he’s centuries old, has been raised to be the next King Vampire and yet behaves like a thirteen year old boy. He’s petulant, egotistical, insecure, violent, controlling, ignorant, bi-polar on a rapid cycle, and probably the most boring and annoying vampire to have ever been created.

About half way through the book he becomes Mr Nice Guy until he’s confronted with defending his “truw wuv,” life as she’s about to be murdered, then he decides it’s just better to look away and hope for the best. Which of course happens because he’s a Gary Stu and she’s a Mary Sue, and so there’s a happy ending, (although there’s an actual happy ending mid way through the book).


Lyla: Kaspar’s elder sister, and at first she seems likable, perhaps a bit too perky, but the kind of person who Violet could learn a lot about this world from. The problem is, is that Lyla is crushing over Fabian, only Fabian doesn’t know it (also doesn’t really care), and when it becomes clear that Fabian prefers the human to her, well then this kitten shows her claws, and by that I mean she scratches Violet to show her that she could easily kill her. Because there is nothing more terrifying, and rare, than one woman scratching another women’s face?  In short, Lyla is a female and in this book all the female of the species hates Violet while the males adore, and lust for her.  I was disappointed in this character, at first she seems like the first likeable character, intelligent, knowledgable, quirky, and fun, but all too soon she’s a shrill, shallow, bitch whose only interests are shopping, diet coke, and having the perfect boyfriend.


Cain: Younger brother of Kaspar, mostly forgettable, I think he’s involved in the Hyde Park fun fair “orgy.”


Sky: An elder brother of Kaspar, the eldest child of the Royals I believe and not the next in line, for some reason it falls to the fourth child, which is Kaspar. Mostly, he’s a background prop.


Jag: Another elder brother and background prop, I don’t think he even has a line. Although his wife, or was it his brother Sky(?) later plays a part in saving Violet’s life.


Thyme: The youngest of the Royal family, with yet another silly name. She’s also a prop, the cute, lisping prop that becomes a bit creepy and disturbing as many child Vampires are.


The King: He spends most of his time in his office doing…I have no idea, possibly running a vampire corporation? When he is seen it’s at the one brief, awkward and yet dull dinner that inspired the secondary title of this book, or one of the many Balls thrown at the Manor where he spends his time looking haughty. All the vampires either fear or admire him but just like in Twilight, he’s a big build up to nothing.


The Queen: she’s seems to have had a convenient vision of the future about Violet, although she doesn’t name her, and wrote it down before she was killed, but this note goes missing in clear view, (it’s apparently been Kaspar’s room for the past three years, seriously those vampire maids are shite).



The Royal Hangers-on and servants too!


Fabian: Kaspar’s BFF, he’s the Jacob in this story and despite his many efforts he’s rejected by Violet for his moody pal and as a second resort he hooks up with Lyla though he’s still lusting after Violet. In the beginning he’s sweet, nice, and comforting, he’s the good guy, but Violet doesn’t want that, although she’s willing to give him a test drive before choosing the moody model. By the end, even after Violet’s true identity is known he’s pretty much forgotten about Violet and is now totally in love with Lyla. Violet who?


Felix: A hanger on, he trails behind the others, is a part of the vampire gang that attacks at Trafalgar Square, joins in on the shopping trip to London and the Hyde Park fun fair “orgy.”


Charity: at the beginning of the book she’s Kaspar’s chew toy, and let’s just say she hasn’t got the sharpest fangs of the vamps.  She’s  shrill when her boyfriend, (well she thinks he is), tries to rape Violet, but rather than be horrified at this violence she comes across as being more jealous of Kaspar giving Violet attention. Just like all the women in this book, (except for the dead Queen and Violet’s sister), she hates/is jealous of Violet. She pops up occasionally throughout the book to sneer, look haughty, but she mainly has loud, (fake*), sex with Kaspar.


Itla: An evil vampire, although his description makes him quite a dish, but an evil one. I kind of like him as he tries to kill Violet early on in the book but is stopped by the Varn’s who want to keep Violet alive to appease Michael Lee.


Annie: the vampire maid, yeah, maid. There’s a hierarchy in this vampire world, and with royalty there are of course servants. Can’t imagine anything worse than spending eternity as a servant, so I don’t blame her for being bitter and trying to ruin Edw… Kaspar and Violet’s happiness.



*When I read the part where Violet is forced to listen to Kaspar and Charity have really loud sex all night, in another room, which is a fair distance to the room that Violet is trying to sleep in, it reminded me of a former housemate. Three of us shared a house, I had the front room on the ground floor, C had the room above me and J the room upstairs at the back, it was the old “two up, two down” house that had, had a couple of rooms added in the back. Downstairs, past my room, was the living room, then the added kitchen and bathroom. On the night’s when C would have her boyfriend over, (a mousey/drunk Superarsehole, in that when sober he was a timid mouse, add alcohol and he became an arsehole), we, J and I, would have to listen to her have really loud, and sounding so very, very fake sex. When we would have guests over after the pub or club, or dinner, we would be in the middle/living room, there would be music playing, or the tv was on, and yet despite the distance and the noise, we would all hear the very vocal, and forced, “ah ah ah ah ah ah AH AH AH AHHHHHHHH.” To which we would all collapse into quiet giggles, mostly because he had no idea how shite he was, and then the quiet awkwardness as we wondered why C was still with him.


One response to “I can’t put a bad book down: the Vampires and their hangers on

  1. Pingback: I can’t put a bad book down: the Vampires and their hangers on | @ The West Gate·

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s